I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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