I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
