remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
