apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
