Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize