3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
