i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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