oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
