There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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