Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
