the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
