JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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