I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
