The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
