I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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