This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
