I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
