I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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