becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
