Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
