went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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