look no pants
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I puked a lego.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
