there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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