I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
