I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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