Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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