omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
