so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
