It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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