Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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