then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she was so not down for the gang bang
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We left an ass print on the piano.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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