he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
