you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
