The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
