I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
