i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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