You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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