I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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