Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
