i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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