The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They took my balls.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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