Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize