do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
