Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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