i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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