I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
