I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
