So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
