p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
