Betty ford says i'm here all night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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