I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
