I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
