two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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