I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
please come you make the beer taste better
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
