dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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