I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I bet he comes in French.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
