it wasn't lemon gatorade
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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