Yo dont text me then not text me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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