so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
