woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
