went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
