Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
