It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize