I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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