dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
