I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
