I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
