if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
