he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
