Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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