the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
