It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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