I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize